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Last Updated on April 26, 2022 by Randy Withers, LCMHC
It’s no secret that infidelity is a common issue many couples face. Studies have shown that 15-20% of married couples have cheated on one another. This has become a more common issue in our society than we would like to admit.
If you think your partner is cheating on you, how can you tell for sure?
Unfortunately, there is no single answer that will apply to every situation. Yet, some common signs may suggest your partner is lying about cheating.
If you’re doubtful of your partner, It’s worth looking into these signs to see if there might be some truth to your fears.
How To Tell If Your Partner Is Lying To You About Cheating
When we lie to someone, our nervous system gets out of its comfort zone, which leads to people subconsciously acting differently. A liar might think he or she is doing a good job lying in front of everyone. The bad news is that their body starts to react otherwise.
If these behavior changes are observed properly, it is easy to detect whether a person is lying or not. Let’s look at some signs that you should look out for to identify whether your partner is lying.
1. Avoiding Eye Contact or Excess Eye Contact
Amateur liars often find it difficult to maintain eye contact. They tend to have shorter eye contact or look away while lying. This might be a red flag when you see someone looking more at your shoulders, forehead, or looking down.
Excessive eye contact is also a sign, too. People who lie a lot and make a habit of lying will keep looking into the eyes of the person they’re lying to due to getting nervous about getting caught. And sometimes, they want to see your reaction to their lies.
Either way, if you notice your partner doing either of these, you might need to be concerned.
2. Changes in Intimacy or Physical Contact
One common sign is a sudden loss of interest in intimacy. Suppose your partner used to be passionate and affectionate but is now skipping kisses and avoiding physical contact. In that case, it may be a sign that they are harboring feelings for someone else.
People who are cheating often lose interest in the physical side of their relationship, as they are focusing their energy on someone else. This can manifest in many ways, such as skipping kisses, avoiding cuddling, and generally appearing uninterested in sex.
Another sign of cheating is a sudden change in sexual behavior. If your partner suddenly wants to try new things in the bedroom or seems disinterested in your usual routine, it could signify that they are seeking novelty elsewhere.
3. Saying Too Much or Too Little
When cheating occurs in a relationship, it can often lead to a change in how the cheating partner communicates with their spouse or partner. In some cases, the cheating partner may start to talk less out of guilt or shame.
In other cases, the cheating partner may start to talk more to hide what they are doing. They may be more attentive and loving in an attempt to make up for their infidelity.
4. Their Story Keeps Changing
Liars often lose track of what they said the last time they lied. If you are noticing that your partner’s side of a story (for example: ‘where were they last night’) changed when asked twice. It is most likely they are lying. They spur out more lies to cover their previous ones.
Furthermore, they start protecting themselves when confronted by saying, ‘they never lie’ or ‘are you doubting me?’
5. Deflecting, Gaslighting, Or Accusing You
This is one of the most common sights you will see when you are sure your partner is lying to you. Deflecting and projecting are typical behaviors in liars.
Whenever you confront your partner about cheating, they will try to change the topic to something else. Or try turning the tables around and ask if you are cheating or not. They start interrogating you and accusing you back.
In addition, the lying partner may also try to start a fight when confronted. He or she may raise his voice and start arguing, blaming everything on you. These are typical defense mechanisms one has when guilty.
6. Behavioral Change
When your partner is lying to you, they will most likely start behaving like a different person. They may start taking care of you more or stop caring at all. This could be because being with you makes them feel guilty.
In addition, they may start changing their habits but will get defensive and deny it when asked. For example, they may start eating food they didn’t like before or taking care of themselves more. This may be due to them picking up ‘another’ person’s interest.
Signs of short temper are also a part of this behavioral change. They start getting angrier at you for little to no reason. Maybe things that didn’t bother them before will now begin to infuriate them.
In addition, the cheating partner might start to get more attentive to their appearance.
7. Changes In Body Language
There are several physical body language changes that you can notice in a lying partner. The first thing you would see is that they start liking themselves more.
They are more playful with their hair, more conscious about how they look, etc. These are the butterfly effects a person gets when they are with someone else/or being intimate with someone else.
On top of that, you may notice their voice fluctuating. When a person lies, their voice usually goes to a higher tone. Additionally, you may also hear their voice cracking, especially when confronted.
It doesn’t always mean they are lying, but it is certainly a sign to worry about. Because people usually change their pitch when they get defensive. If your partner gets worked up and changes their tone when confronted, it is undoubtedly a red flag.
It will also be visible to you that they are sweating too much. Excessive sweat can be noticed around the neck, forehead, chest and palms.
When talking about cheating, they start feeling anxious and uncomfortable. It means they are having difficulty keeping up with their lies, resulting in them sweating.
Here’s what Mark Bouton has to say about it, “There are a number of facial expressions and associated reactions that could indicate someone is lying to you,” he says. “Some are caused by nervousness, some by chemical reactions, and others by physical reactions.”
8. Being Defensive
Many people who cheat on their partners tend to get defensive for no reason. You will notice them getting hyper and start overreacting. Even if you’re not confronting them directly about lying or cheating. You might find them overly defensive when you ask questions about whereabouts or who they’re talking to.
This is because cheating creates a feeling of guilt and shame, and people who are cheating often try to cover up their tracks by being defensive.
Often, the bonding you used to have converted into a toxic relationship, and your partner seems more and more like a fighting cock.
9. Protective Over Their Phone or Computer
Is your partner hiding his/her phone from you? Are they making excuses not to give it to you whenever you ask for it? These are signs that scream they are hiding something. You may notice them using their phone while hiding it from you.
You may see them smiling and giggling while looking at their phone, but they will deny it when asked. Not to mention the phone keeps following them everywhere, including the bathroom.
Lastly, look out for midnight calls from work. Often “just a work call” is not a work call at all. Especially if you’re already seeing weird behavior.
10. They Don’t Have Time For You
Often partners tend to get busy when they are cheating. You will suddenly see that their schedule will get busier and busier. They start coming home late, not receiving calls or responding to texts.
They might give you the excuse of being packed with work and leave the house early in the morning or return late. Other than working long hours, they may also say they went to the gym or had meetings.
And while they are at home, they’re busy with their phone or computer and not communicating much with you. These are some cues you should watch out for.
11. Your Gut Feeling
No matter what we say, your gut will be the first to warn you about the matter. If you feel like your partner is lying or hiding something, it is wise to act upon it without giving them a hint.
Gather some evidence and directly confront them. Follow your gut and dig deeper into the scenario.
Bonus Tips: Things to watch out for when you have a gut feeling
We have already discussed the most common signs that your partner is cheating on you. Now let’s have a look at these bonus tips. This is to make you double sure when you have a bad feeling about your partner. Check if these also match before confronting him or her.
When partners cheat or lie to protect themselves, they get more and more gifts for you. Don’t get fooled by these sudden attentions. Often partners who feel guilty while or after cheating get you many gifts to hide their inner fear. Hence, they are called ‘guilt gifts’.
Keeping Tabs On You
They may be more interested in your schedule than usual. You may see them wanting to know everything about when you will leave for work or when you will return.
Not only that, they will show excess interest in your routine and repeatedly ask about your plans for the day.
If your partner hasn’t been much interested in it before and suddenly takes a lot more interest, it’s a huge red flag. You can assume they’re getting more aggressive with their hidden relationship and meetings are taking place often.
Look whether your partner has fake email or social media ids or not. There are possibilities that they blocked you from the fake id. If you’re suspecting that, ask a friend to look it up and see if they find anything or not.
Especially on Instagram and Facebook. Don’t forget to look up any alternative email account as well.
How To Deal With A Lying Spouse?
First, gather solid evidence by observing the changes in their behavioral patterns. And then confront them once you have enough evidence. Be confident and brave, and stick to whatever decision you make.
Why Do People Cheat In A Relationship?
There can be several possible reasons for it. Maybe they lost their bond with you or were sexually/emotionally frustrated. They likely found the relationship suffocating and wanted an escape.
How To Save A Relationship From Cheating?
Confront them, ask them why they did it or thought about it. Furthermore, find out what may have pushed the relationship to that point. Fix that and put in more effort.
Another good way to tackle this issue is to get help with relationship therapies. It’s proved to be highly beneficial for both sides. If you can land on good terms with your partner and both agree to see a therapist, that might make the whole thing a lot easier.
The good news is that now you can opt-in for any good online therapy sessions, and that would make the whole thing a lot easier and quicker.
Should You Confront A Lying Spouse?
Of course, that goes without saying when you are entirely sure they are lying and have proper evidence. However, if the confrontation may risk your safety, seek out help from friends and family or law enforcement.
If you’ve been cheated on, you’re probably all too familiar with the feeling of betrayal. This can be very painful and confusing, but it’s important to remember that there’s always something you can do to make things better. Cheating is a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship, and addressing that problem is the only way to move forward.
More often than not, people see possible signs of their partner cheating before it gets evident. However, to make things better, confront them and try fixing whatever is wrong. Sit with them and talk it out rather than fighting, yelling, and coming to a solution. If you’re struggling to rebuild intimacy after cheating, consider seeking help from a therapist.
Hope we provided enough information on how to tell if your partner is lying about cheating or not. Remember, no matter what you find out, remain calm and think twice before every action you take.
- 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating
- How to Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying
- Why Do People Cheat in Relationships?