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Last Updated on December 23, 2024 by Randy Withers, LCMHC
Do you feel like you’re stuck in a pattern of secretly scrolling for sexual novelties on screen? Whether this occurs daily or weekly, you may be wondering – am I actually addicted to porn?
While some mental health experts don’t consider porn addiction a legitimate diagnosis, the World Health Organization describes excessive porn use as a symptom of compulsive sexual behavioral disorder in their diagnostic tool, the ICD-11.
If you’re struggling with porn use as well as mental health issues, taking time to honestly self-evaluate could be radically life-changing. Let’s consider how porn could be harming you and ways your life could vastly improve if you completely eliminated porn use.
Why knowing the signs of porn addiction matters
Many compulsive porn users label themselves as addicts, noting struggles with brain fog, depression, and anxiety. They describe feeling “stuck” or “trapped” by porn. Others discover that porn is ruining intimacy in their relationships, despite being physically attracted to their partner. Even famous celebrities like Terry Crews or Billie Eilish have publicly admitted that porn use harmed their mental health, productivity, and relationships.
Although this may seem like purely anecdotal evidence, thousands of people also post on public discussion forums like NoFap noting that brain fog, depression, and intimacy all improve when they quit porn. Their voices matter, too, because a whole generation has been raised on porn thanks to the smartphone.
In reality, scientific research on the effects of pornography use hasn’t caught up to the times. It pays to do your own research and be your own mental health advocate if you suspect porn is having negative effects in your life.
10 Signs You Might Be Addicted to Porn
Signs of compulsive sexual behavior disorder in ICD-11 and signs of a potential porn addiction follow many similar patterns.
1. Spending excessive time on porn
If you’re viewing porn frequently and often wonder where the night (or weekend) has gone because you’ve been binging on porn, you’re right to be concerned about porn addiction. Any repeated, excessive behavior patterns, including excessive screen or social media time, is a warning sign that your brain is wired to unhealthy habits.
2. Failing repeatedly to quit porn in spite of multiple efforts
Quitting porn use, like breaking any ingrained habit, won’t happen overnight. However, if you repeatedly fail, and repetitive sexual behaviors like masturbating to porn gets worse over a six month period of time, it’s time to honestly consider whether you’re struggling with a behavioral addiction.
3. Using porn to cope with stress or negative emotions
You may turn to porn more often than you realize when you’re stressed, bored, or struggling with painful emotions. Using numbing behaviors as a coping mechanism for stress or unwanted emotions is something all humans do at some point in life, says Dr. Brené Brown, researcher, author, and mental health expert. Excessive and compulsive numbing with a substance or behavior, however, is a symptom of addiction, she notes.
4. Feeling guilty or ashamed but continuing the behavior
Often shame and guilt don’t seem to help you get rid of a compulsive porn habit. Feelings of helplessness and loss of control creates a painful prison that keeps you trapped in a vicious cycle. According to the ICD-11, though, you can’t count religious shame as a sign of addiction.“Distress that is entirely related to moral judgments and disapproval about sexual impulses, urges, or behaviors is not sufficient to meet this requirement.”
5. Neglecting real-life relationships or responsibilities
If porn use is interfering with your work, education, productivity, or sleep, that’s a clear red flag. Other less noticeable signs often include isolating yourself more frequently with porn, and avoiding socializing with your friends, family, or spouse. Those hidden costs add up over time.
6. Escalating to more extreme content
Some notice escalation in types of sexual content, seeking to satisfy themselves, spending hours scrolling for the perfect or more arousing video. Some researchers link this to the “Coolidge effect” – getting bored mating with only one partner. It makes sense that if you feed your brain continual novelty in porn use, you risk an increased potential to spiral into darker and more extreme corners of the online world.
7. Struggling with intimacy in real life
A natural consequence of wiring your brain and body to be satisfied by porn is that it erodes your enjoyment of real sex and emotional intimacy with a real person. Dr. Douglas Weiss has labeled this “intimacy anorexia”. You may actually disassociate during sex or struggle with a sexless marriage. Some studies even note a spike in early onset erectile dysfunction, linking this to prolonged porn use.
8. Dishonesty or secrecy about porn habits
Repeatedly lying about and hiding evidence of porn use is a behavior pattern common in other types of addiction. If you find yourself lying about the amount of porn you use or the money you spend on porn, you’re falling into a common addictive pattern.
9. Losing your self-esteem
Porn use can damage your self esteem in a variety of ways. If you’re stuck in a cycle of acting out with porn, lying, and shame. Again, Dr. Brene Brown notes in her book Daring Greatly that “shame often leads to desperation.” Many experience self-loathing as a result of unwanted compulsive porn use.
Another way porn damages self-esteem is the subtle comparison trap. Porn creates false narratives about real sex. It’s highly unrealistic to expect yourself (or your partner) to perform in the bedroom like porn actors do in fake porn story lines.
10. Persistently using porn in spite of negative personal consequences
It’s not unheard of for compulsive porn use to cause people to lose their jobs as well as relationships due to their porn habit. If negative effects of porn use like cheating on your spouse or running up a secret credit card bill on porn sites or massage parlors don’t seem to deter you, it’s time to seek help.
Steps to Overcome Porn Addiction
If you fail to deal with compulsive porn use, it sucks away your focus, time, mental health, and relationships. Your story does not need to end this way!
Others are successfully recovering from their porn addiction, and you can too. However, as you’ve already probably discovered, you can’t just “white-knuckle” it and use your willpower to quit a porn addiction.
Instead, to get started you’ll need three proven steps to effectively start on a porn recovery journey: tech tools to create online boundaries, community support, and professional therapy.
Limit access to your porn by using effective online tools
Porn is always available on your smartphone or computer. If you’re seeking to quit porn, it’s like being an alcoholic carrying a bottle everywhere in your pocket. Indeed, the porn industry uses high-tech marketing savvy to keep hooking you.
To fight this, you need up-to-date and highly effective online tools like porn blockers to create an immediate check and boundary between you and porn in a weak moment.
- Check out and install the best porn blockers on the market which use AI to detect and block porn images not just in web browsers but also inside social media apps.
- Ramp up your recovery by using online accountability software to meet your goal of a porn-free life.
Find support in a positive recovery community
Accountability to someone else is a highly effective method of reaching goals. Searching for sexual addiction recovery groups is one way to find support and accountability online. Online SAA recovery groups exist for both religious and non-religious people. Also, it’s a great way to find a personal accountability partner to help you meet your goals. Here’s how to tap into the power of accountability.
- Set a schedule with your accountability partner and regularly talk about your goals, wins, and loses together.
- Consider installing accountability software on your online devices that shares your activity with your accountability partner.
Replace screen time with purposeful activities
- Choose one new thing you’re interested in right away like taking an exercise class, pursuing a new hobby, spending time in nature, and especially increasing your social life in healthy ways.
- Practice mindfulness by journaling about your story and little things you are grateful for every day.
When to Seek Professional Help
When you start practicing mindfulness, you may soon begin to realize there are underlying reasons that you turn porn. It’s common to numb pain due to hard issues in your personal life like a difficult divorce or the death of someone you care about.
Talking to a therapist or professional counselor gives you a safe, private place to explore your porn triggers. A mental health professional is trained to help you identify your unhealthy habits and thought patterns, and to give you steps to develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Remember, it’s a sign of strength and takes courage to ask for help!
Look for a therapist you “click” with who is totally on board with helping you break free from a porn addiction. If you know you’re dealing with trauma in your past or present, it’s also important to research trauma-informed therapists.
Final Thoughts
While rewiring your brain to healthier coping habits takes time and effort, it’s not “Mission Impossible.” With positive support, the right tools, and professional help you can succeed.
Becoming free to be the person you want to be is worth facing your challenges! Your mission today is to consider, write down, and take one step today to start breaking free from porn.
